


mikasa drabbles from my notes app

by vesuvivian



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 20:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vesuvivian/pseuds/vesuvivian
Summary: I'll just be posting here drabbles of Mikasa that I never fully flesh out or edit, but need to delete, and don't want to. They're all going to be diff stories and settings.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. wishful thinking

Mikasa sat on the plush bed, silk sheets underneath her. You caressed her soft face, noting the scar on her cheekbone, dangerously close to her eye. Your hands were gentle, feeling as though her skin would break under your touch. She wore her stealth uniform, ready to head out of the walls, while you wore a robe with a plunging neck and a deep slit on the side.

You stood in front of her on the bed. She sighed, placing her head against your stomach, wrapping her arms behind you and holding you tightly. Your fingers passed through her hair.

"I wish you didn't have to leave." You whisper. Her head moved in agreement. Her hand went down your leg, bringing it forward, exposing it through the slit; her face moved, placing her lips against your thigh, and leaving small pecks.

"I could volunteer for the scouts and help... We would be closer most of the time." The words left your mouth without a second thought, and perhaps they shouldn't have, but your mind rambled and screamed about not wanting to leave your lover's side-grappling at any possibility to be closer to her.

Mikasa stopped kissing your body, her gaze looking up into yours; she held a stern expression. You knew she didn't like when you brought up the idea of joining the military, it was something completely out of the question. Mikasa had plenty of nightmares of seeing you crushed between a set of giant teeth, of you ending up like Petra in her first expedition, forever looking up into a merciless sky.

"I'm sorry. I know it's a stupid idea... But how do you think _I_ feel?" Your voice cracked as you asked her. "I will _never_ have a guarantee that you're coming back alive or in one piece. One day, commander Hange could come knocking on this _fucking door_ to give me some random limb of yours because it was all that they could find of you!" Your voice was loud now, tears falling from your eyes.

Mikasa's eyes went wide, and your hand quickly went to your mouth as you realized what you'd just said. You wiped your tears, turning away from your partner, as you felt a wrenching sob try to escape past your lips. Mikasa stayed on the bed, processing what you just told her.

"I didn't know you felt that way..." She spoke softly. You felt the tightness in your stomach release as you allowed yourself to cry. She stood up from the bed, wrapping her arms around you, teary eyed as well.

These weren't the usual bittersweet farewells each time she had to leave for a mission; normally, there would be small acts of affection exchanged under uncertainty and desperation-sometimes sex, othertimes just holding each other until it was time for her to go-and you made it a point to not tell her how you felt. You never told her of the way you would cry, or shake from panic every time she was far away from you. The days would feel endless every moment that passed and you didn't know she was okay. 

She kissed the side of your head, wishing she could ask for forgiveness, wishing that there was some kind of existence where war wasn't necessary and both of you met under peaceful circumstances.

Wishing, wishing, wishing... It was all both of you could do.


	2. you're allowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is told to love freely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's cute, I love it lol. 💗🥺 I wish I could dedicate more to this one.

* * *

Mikasa lied on the floor as you straddled her. Her hands sat at your waist, squishing your love hadles as tears fell from both of your eyes while your bodies shook with laughter. Some days were just filled with this; nothing but smiles and blissful nakedness. You couldn't even remember what was so funny at the moment, but you welcomed the tightness it caused in your belly.

You took in deep breaths as your laughter slowly died down. Your smile persisted, though, as you leaned down to kiss the light of your life. Your lips grazed hers, leaving a feather light peck on them before they opened again to let out a sonorous laugh. Her eyes were small because her lips were locked in a genuine smile; her eyes searched for yours while you kept laughing.

She wrapped her arms around your back, pulling you closer to her, breast against breast, faces inches away from each other and noses brushing together. The feeling Mikasa was experiencing right now was overwhelming, and not in a negative way, but it made her eyes water. This was different for her.

"I wish we could melt into each other and become one." She spoke. You saw the way her eyes sparkled while she spoke. Your laughing ceased slowly as you looked into her brown eyes. One of her hands left your back, reaching for your face to caress your cheek gently.

"You want to become one with me?" Your question wasn't out of misunderstanding, it was out of surprise. Mikasa wasn't the kind of person to say something so direct, it took her time to build up towards saying the things she meant, especially when it came to romantic feelings-if anything, you wanted her to repeat herself. You decided to sit upright again, seperating from her and she followed your lead. Now the both of you stared at each other, foreheads touching, and her hands decided to take yours into her own.

"I just..." She started again, hesitating, trying to find the right words or say this in a way that wouldn't creep you out. "I don't know how to explain this. I think I might scare you with what I say, but I don't mean these things in a literal way." Her eyes looked at the ground when speaking. You moved one of your interlocked hands towards your lips.

"I promise that this is now a circle of safety and you are free to speak in a manner that works for you-I will not judge." You spoke into her hand like it was a spell, kissing it after. "Scout's honor." She let out a small laugh.

"Well," She fidgeted slightly. "Sometimes I feel _so much_ love for you, that I'm not sure I want to be apart from you, if anything, I want to _be_ you or... _inside_ you?" She ended that last statement as if it was a question, because she wasn't sure what she was describing-it was a feeling, but not one she was sure there was a word for.

"Like, if I had to the opportunity to be stitched to you, or have parts of me replaced by you, I would do it in a heartbeat." She spoke more confidently now, seeing your encouraging smile. "And I would..." She stopped herself before finishing that last sentence. You let go of one of her hands to place it upon one of her cheeks.

"It's okay...I'm not going to judge. I gave you my word." You nodded as you spoke. She cleared her throat.

"This is going to sound _so weird_ and I am _so_ sorry." her eyes darted around the room, settling on staring at the ceiling. "Sometimes I think that I want to...wear your skin like a suit," Your eyes widened slightly. "But in the sense that it would bring me closer to you!" She spoke quickly, her voice rising slightly. You laughed loudly at her statement, pulling her face towards yours.

"Can you imagine being _so_ close to someone, or _wanting_ to be closer to someone, that in your mind it just translates into morphing as one? I don't know if that makes any sense..." Her eyes were looking into yours as she said this. You leaned into her face, closing your eyes; your lips grazed each other as you spoke.

"It doesn't have to make sense. You're allowed to feel love in the most nonsensical, abstract ways. Nobody else has to understand it but you. Not even me." Both your eyes were locked on each other now, and you noticed how her face flushed; her eyes sparkled, tears threatening to fall.

"I'm allowed to love? Like _this_?" Her voice asked, barely a whisper. Your hands brough her head to your neck and you heard her sniffle. Some tears fell on your skin as she held you tightly against her.

Mikasa had a big heart, though, she didn't show it, and her acts of affection could come through as motherly and overprotective-her love language had never bothered you. Someone in her past had made her feel as though her affection suffocated them, and maybe sometimes it _could_ feel like she was smothering you, but you knew she didn't mean harm from it. All it took was to communicate your boundaries as clearly as possible and she understood quickly.

You kissed her temple, kissed her tear stricken cheeks, she kissed your lips and you both lied on the floor exchanging millions of kisses. There was beauty in simplicity, affirmation from skin to skin; the way you moaned 'i love you' into her ears while she touched you, was like a repetitive prayer to some fuck-knows-all god that would never hear you.

***

"Can I tell you something weird too?" Your voice asked. Both of you were lying on the mattress now, sweaty, with hair sticking to your forehead; your head rested on Mikasa's chest and she looked down to look at your face. She nodded.

"Sometimes-when I'm _really_ in love with someone-I think about how much I wish I could keep one of their eyeballs in a jar, like, as a keepsake or something." Mikasa's thunderous laughter resonated throughout the entire room. You laughed along with her.

It was nice, to be accepted, and to be loved-with all your quirks and your thoughts. 


End file.
